PMS`ing, so this might be a very EMO post.

i engross myself with studies and work everyday. juz trying my best not to come home early or stay home with them. life's sooo much different without my big brother around. i kinda missed the past. but what to do? life gonna carry on. but im going beserk day by day.

after big brother moved out, HE became the KING and SHE became the QUEEN. childishly, i would say, they gang up to torture US, or maybe ME alone. i always wanted a happy family, caring mother, playful brother, and a protective dad. but ive got NONE. i know i've got to be contented because ive at least got a family. some people out there don't. but A FAMILY is not enough. where's my happiness?

SHE woke me up early in the morning juz to get me take out some stupid rubber glove that we used to wash my dog's battok. and scolded me for throwing it into the toilet bowl. (its not me, and im not tt stupid) i was soooo bloody tired and SHE woke me up juz for this. im a light sleeper, i can't get back to sleep once i woke up. this is only ONE of the torture.

i was empty stomach the whole of yesterday. *poor me. she nvr give me allowance and never bother to buy dinner for me. i really dunno what to say. tired after work, all i want for is some care. but i received none from her. luckily ive got my dad. although he earn less, but he tried to give me his best. whenever he sees NO money left on the table, he would always use his own money to leave there for me. even though he only left with 10 bucks in the wallet.

what bout HIM? he always find grudges with me. nvr give in like brothers do. always complain to HER and got me into trouble. maybe he really don't want a Happy Family, i wouldn't know. he's not getting matured. he don't think deep. whenever SHE scolds me, HE would add oil to fire, to make her more angry. HE's not like my lovely big brother, side with me when im right, HE juz love to "clean my mom's backside".

honestly speaking, i don't hate them. i do love them. but why they treat me like that?

HOME, is warmth to others but HOTEL to me. i speak less than 10 sentences everyday. woke up early for school, come home late after work. only dad asked me "why work everyday? not tired? you ought to rest" what SHE comment? "work everyday no money to survive yourself?" does she CARE? does she care whether i rest, whether i overwork myself?

i always envy my friends, my classmates. Their HER gives them the best. deliver things to school for them, heart to heart talk with each other, hugging is the most common thing. but believe me, non of the above i've done with HER.

i tried to be a great daughter. i tried not to talk back to her whenever she scolds me. i tried to keep quite and let her scold eventhough she mistaken me. i juz let it be, i let her scold. she goes to my grandma's house to complain. must she really spoils my relationship with my relatives? but luckily, my uncles treated me better. they never outcast me, but treat me even better. =)

financial matters, i tried to save up whenever i can, but within a week, she can "forgets" to give me allowance for 3 days. never will she "payback" the money. ive got to use my savings. i know she isn't rich, but she never try her best to give me the best.

i know i might be asking too much. but all i hope for is a Happy Family, nothing else. i don't need to be rich, i don't need a handsome daddy or a pretty mommy, i juz need a grudges`less family, is this too much that i've asked for?

i know my friends do care, but i all i want is my family to be there. When can SHE understands me? When will HE be matured?